(Sorry this is long!)
This happened years ago (6 years?), so some of the details are a little fuzzy, but I certainly remember the main details of it. Tamy and I had only recently moved back to my hometown in California. We were planning on settling there permanently. We had saved a significant chunk of money to use as a down payment on a house, I was going to school to teach and coach, Tamy had begun her career as an RN. In short, we had begun the life we had always planned for ourselves; we were building our own little kingdom, carving out our space and making preparations for our future.
We were planning on purchasing property, designing, and building our dream home. My head was full of visions of a nationally successful High School wrestling program, Tamy's was full of plans for building a family.
At the same time, however, we had begun in earnest to learn to live a life of intimacy with Jesus. We were involved, more and more, with the community of believers, and we wanted, more and more, to live our lives with Jesus and for Jesus.
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Not only did the dream carry a very real "message," and a very significant emotional gravity, but the message ended up bearing very specifically to situations soon to arise in my life. What I do remember is that I never have dreams that I remember, nor have I ever had a dream that I felt was in any sense imbued with spiritual significance. This one, however, was different...
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Everything was very dark ...it was dark visually but also emotionally; I was walking forward.
Throughout the entire dream I never really saw any of my companions, but they were there, we were in a group walking together. Each of my companions had a piece of armor or a weapon; this one wore a helmet, that one carried a sword, and another a breastplate.
On my arm I held a shield.
Throughout the entire dream I heard a voice, speaking to me from just behind me.
I never saw the angel, but it spoke to me constantly, telling me what was going on, encouraging me, giving me advice, information, and filling my heart with courage. In my right ear was the voice of wisdom and strength.
"You must work together," the voice said.
"When you come to the enemy, you must use your shield to protect your companions from danger. Your job is to cover them, and keep them from the weapons of your enemies. Your companions, each of them using his or her own item, will work along with you to fight and defeat the enemies you will meet."
We continued to walk forward.
A large figure loomed out of the dark. It was much larger than a human, clad in dark armor.
"...you must use your shield, keep walking forward, if you will do your part, you will be victorious over this creature."
The angel continued to speak to my heart, "do not be afraid, be strong and courageous."
My companions and I moved forward, toward the dark creature, I don't really remember a 'battle.' I remember that we stood our ground, together, and emerged unscathed and victorious. The voice in my ear continued to encourage me...
We continued to walk forward, and again were confronted by a large humanoid creature, clad in black, wearing armor, and wielding medieval weapons. Again we heeded the angel and won the battle.
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As we continued to progress on our journey, a large black shape loomed up out of the shadows in front of us, it appeared to be a hill. I could see the silhouette.
...and then the hill began to move.
I can still recall being terrified at what was in front of me. It was like watching my destruction unfold before me, and having no course of action available to stop it. Like watching a character in a cinema thriller making the stupid decision that will get him killed, and you know because you are outside the plot. Only this was happening to me.
It was a huge dragon-like beast. It was enormous, at least the size of a 3 or 4 story building. It raised up and began to come toward us.
"Be strong and courageous! Do not doubt! You can defeat this dragon!" the voice in my ear whispered encouragement. I steadied myself for a blast of fire-breath as the beast reared back and inhaled deeply.
The blast of fire came...
...and I fled.
I ran as fast as I could away from the dragon and away from my death and destruction...
...away from my friends.
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The voice began again, not condemning, not excusing, but simply telling me, "if you would have stood your ground, you would have survived, not only survived, but overcome the beast. You were the key to victory, and you ran."
The angel did not explain the fate of my companions.
I began to sob, realizing that I had lost us the battle, and perhaps taken the lives of my friends as well. My cowardice, and selfishness had brought all of us low.
I remember the deep conviction that arose inside of me, that I could not ever allow this to happen again.
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This dream stayed with me when I awoke.
It stayed with me for a long time, even to this day.
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About the same time I had this dream Tamy and I were faced with a decision. We had a large sum of money saved up for our home, but there was something that we felt God was asking us to do with it. He was asking us to give this money to something other than our house. This may seem like a small decision, but to us is was about more than simply money; God was asking us to choose: His plans and dreams, or ours.
Would we give up the very thing we had scraped and saved, and went to school, and gotten into debt, to accomplish?
This was one of the moments of decision for us. Would we live for ourselves and wear Jesus like a campaign button? ...or would we orient our cares around His cares?
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The meaning of the dream was clear, as was the fact that it was more than just a dream. We simply couldn't act as though our money was 'ours.' It was His and we had to use it to 'protect our companions.'
I had said I could not ever allow this to happen again.
When Tamy and I actually gave away that money I could feel it in my stomach.
I physically felt it.
Somebody could have punched me in the gut to the same effect.
But, with 20-20 hindsight, I would not go back and change my decision even if it were for $100,000 (and it wasn't anything close!)
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