SEX Part IV

This is yet another lengthy installment on the topic of sexuality, click on the title link to read the previous statements...

After having outlined sexuality in its current state, and contrasted it with natural,* healthy sexuality, I thought it would be prudent to discuss some of the causes and rationale behind the unhealthy and unnatural state of sexuality as we find it in our world.

A quick recap: healthy sexuality is designed for the enjoyment and procreation of a man and a woman who are comitted to each other so deeply, spiritually and emotionally that they could be called "one." Unhealthy sexuality then, is any sexual expression or gratification that comes from a source outside of this type of relationship. Unhealthy sexual expression would obviously include sexual contact with anyone other than a spouse, but would also include things like pornography, fantasy, voyeurism, and even flirting. In short: any activity that provides sexual gratification involving sources of gratification other than the spouse is unhealthy for the individual in question.

Unhealthy sexuality would also include sexual gratification and expression with a spouse that contradicts, conflicts with, or otherwise inhibits, the spiritual 'oneness' of the marriage relationship. It would be damaging to both husband and wife for one of them to recieve sexual gratification from the physical pain of the other (as we see in some cases), or to coerce the other into performing sexual acts in ways or at times that they are uncomfortable with, or even to withhold sex (under certain circumstances). Healthy sexuality will function as a natural and integrated aspect of the couples comitted relationship of mutual concern and submission.

Check out this article by Dallas Willard on Marriage

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The above statements are obviously seen by many as 'behind the times' and probably even 'repressive, dangerous, and controlling.' This cannot be helped! So let us take a look at some of the common reasons for our current sexual state (if you can think of more, feel free to comment!)...

"This is who I am, I can't change who I am."

"This is how I define myself."

"This is how I show and receive love."

"I am not capable of controlling this."

I am certain that there are other reasons, but I think these statements get at the twin driving philosophical undercurrents that feed our culture's sexuality. We see a fundamental lack of discipline and delayed gratification (even an inability to see the benefit of discipline and delayed gratification!) coupled with a belief that an individual can and should decide for herself what is right and what is wrong.

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What is moral?

We proclaim that the individual should be allowed to live in whatever way pleases them, and that this is morality. There are many who have addressed the philosophical pitfalls of relativism, I will not get far into them, other than to say, without some reference to an outside source of ethics, there is no logical basis for them. We may look at the lives of moral atheists, but when we do we are looking at fundamentally illogical people. Without some outside standard there is simply no way of deciding that one action is moral and another is not; there is no basis for calling Mother Teresa "good" and Adolf Hitler "bad." Try it yourself and post your responses here ...how would you differentiate between the two without some outside point of reference? (This, incidentally, is the conundrum that Philosophers have found themselves in for many decades, how to determine what is good, without reference to an outside source.)

Over against this stands the Biblical picture of the universe, with God's illumination of right and wrong. God is judge not in the sense, however, of a modern western magistrate determining what the law says and interpreting it accordingly, but rather in the older sense; God is a bringer of justice. God is the source of justice and righteousness, not merely a signpost pointing towards it.

In this sense, then, we can begin to understand morality as more than a set of rules laid down arbitrarily by one who has the power to enforce them, but rather as a description of what is 'good.' God does not prevent us from doing what we want, but rather points us to what is truly beautiful, joyous, powerful, true, and good (what we ultimately want!).

What is sin?

Sin is not (as is commonly thought) merely 'bad deeds.' Sin is the flawed state of the human spirit by which we are fundamentally drawn toward actions that damage ourselves, others, and the world around us. This 'bent-ness' of the human spirit then manifests itself (the bad tree bearing bad fruit) in 'bad deeds.' It is this inward bent that is sin, a desire to take good things and use them in ways for which they were never intended. A doctrine of sin, when properly understood, would not be denied by any observant person; the world is upside-down precisely because of misplaced human desire.

Sin is the perversion of human nature (we were made in the divine image) into something less than human; and no one is immune from that corruption.

...so God does not tell us to avoid certain behaviors out of a sense of cosmic 'bah-humbug' but rather out of a deep reverence and love for His children and the world that He gave them charge over, and a deep hatred toward whatever would damage those children and that world.

The trick, of course, when it comes to sexuality (not just sexuality, but all aspects of humanity are effected as well) is that what God proclaims as 'wrong' is not perceived as such by much of humanity. We say, "how could this be bad when it feels so good?" And, "how could this be wrong when it is such an integral aspect of who I am?" Because we don't look to God as the source of right-ness we doubt His assessment of what constitutes a perversion of human nature.

But an appeal to our nature is inappropriate if our nature has been corrupted; what are we to do without God if, when we look deep within ourselves, we find that we enjoy inflicting pain on others? What if the fundamental core of ourselves is selfish? Without an outside reference point to inform us 'which way is up' we are left only to follow "the needy beast within our chest."

The power to be moral!

The simple answer to those who believe sexual desire is uncontrollable are the millions of personal struggles and victories of humans of all genders, ethnicities and orientations. My sexual behavior has changed drastically over the course of my life as a student of Jesus. The same can be said of promiscuous teens, homosexual women, male prostitutes, porn stars, rape victims, child-abuse victims, adulterers, etc. There are examples of people from literally every sociological category who have experienced a marked change in sexual behavior, and the nature and scope of their sexual desire!

We have been told a lie. We do have the power to alter our sexuality. When we align our spirit with that Spirit which guides the Universe, our sexuality will be altered (along with everything else!). There is no fundamental difference between sexuality and other areas of our person, and yet we would not think of tolerating this type of reasoning from someone who claimed an inability to control their physical violence. Many cultures have demonstrated a remarkable proclivity for chastity; our problem is not that we are incapable of discipline, only that we don't want to be disciplined.

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*I understand that the word natural usually means something like "the state of being of an object that is in accordance with its fundamental nature; without outside interference." We talk about the natural state of a dog in contrast with the 'tamed' state of the same animal. Some would argue that this would mean that 'natural' sexuality then is simply whatever human sexual behavior actually is, without outside cultural, or religious pressure.

However, this ignores the basic Biblical understanding of the state of the universe: God made everything fundamentally good ("very good" in fact!) but then the very heart of man became corrupt, humanity became 'inhuman.' (Romans 1 states, "Refusing to know God, they soon didn't know how to be human either") The natural state of humanity is for us to live according to the way God made us, the way we currently live is just as 'unnatural' as if a stone were to fall upwards, or the sky were to turn yellow with pink polka dots!