SEX Part III

Follow the title link to previous thoughts...

We laid out the arguments that our nature is spiritual and we should see it so to properly understand our sexuality, and that our spiritual nature is fundamentally skewed by our separation from God. We also shared how our own inner being (spirit, heart, will) can not be the source of anything good, as that source is twisted; the statement 'this is who I am' is not to be understood as implying 'this is who I should be.'

So now let us attempt to deal with sexuality itself, as we find it in our world, and describe it as it should be.

Our culture has very little to say about sexuality, other than to endorse any fleeting fancy we may have as a valid expression of sexual health. With very few exceptions, there are no restrictions placed upon sexuality by our culture. So long as your sexual expression is not done against the consent of those with whom you are expressing it, that sexual act is considered valid by our culture. Aside from rape, or sex with someone deemed incapable of giving consent (mentally incapacitated and minors) ...anything goes. Multiple partners, heterosexual, homosexual, group sex, premarital sex, pornography, fantasy, voyeurism, etc. No thought is given to the potential consequences of these sexual expressions, they are considered valid simply because they exist.

Standing over against this is the definition of sexuality that God gives us.*

God wants us to enjoy our sexuality! If you doubt this spend a few days browsing through Song of Songs. It is very erotic. The old, Victorian way of thinking about sex may have been 'Christian' in the sense that many Christians held it, but it was not Christian in the sense that it is foreign to the way the Bible speaks of sexuality. God created us as deeply sexual beings (as we have previously stated) but this sexuality has a proper function and a proper context.

Sexual connection between a man and a woman is intended to be part of a larger and deeper connection between them; the Bible speaks of them 'becoming one.' This oneness of a man and a woman in marriage is characterized in the (in)famous 'submission' passage in Ephesians 5. Paul speaks of marriage as a mutual submission of two individuals, each serving the other in a way that seeks their betterment, joy, and fulfillment. It is this context of mutual commitment, service, and deference that is the proper place for sexuality to be expressed.

As we earlier defined it, our spirit is essentially our 'will' or our 'heart' (it is the center of who we are, the non-physical part of us that is the essence of our person, the part that yearns, intends, chooses, and desires). For a husband and a wife to become spiritual 'one' is for the will, the heart, the spirit, of each spouse to permanently align with the others, and in this way we begin to see how sexuality mirrors, expresses, and develops what is essentially a spiritual reality in the life of the married couple.

To conclude, God's design for sexuality is much more holistic than that of the culture at large. Sexuality is not a tool to be used by a person to acheive certain goals, nor is it the whole defining characteristic of an individual, rather it is an interconnected aspect of the true central person (spirit). For this sexuality to be abstracted from it's larger spiritual context is to do damage to the individuals engaged in it. (As Paul says, "sexual sin is sin against your own body.") Sexuality is to be a part of a deeply commited relationship between two people who are continually growing in their physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual union. In this sense sex outside of marriage is really not even 'sex,' but only a cheap plastic version of the real thing. (Of course it is entirely possible for marriage to be a cheap plastic version of the reality as well, but that for another day...)

*I also want to briefly adress the issue of celibacy...

...we were created 'incomplete' but this doesn't mean that singleness is inherently wrong or bad, or even somehow inferior (1 Corinthians 7:1) but rather that the natural, healthy, sexual desire is a God-given aspect of humanity. There is nothing wrong with a woman or man remaining single and celibate for the duration of their time on earth; our deep spiritual/sexual union with a spouse does not have to be the only way we connect with humanity; many religious orders include vows of celibacy and those who undertake such vows sometimes speak of 'marrying' all of humanity. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 those who are single are not distracted from the purposes of God in the world.